15 jun Those regrettable yesses,
Why do we experience struggle with saying NO? Why is it so hard? I’ve already read thirtheen books this year and the fifth one I picked had an awesome title: F*ck no!, written by Sarah Knight. I like Sarah, especially because she delivers her message straightforward. “How to stop saying yes when you can’t, you shouldn’t or you don’t want to”. Lifechanging, or at least .. That’s what she promises.
The circuitous path to Burnout Town,
What motivates people to take the circuitous path to Burnout Town instead of hopping the express train to No-ville? If you are in that kind of position right now .. Well, dig deeper. Instead of focusing on the effect, start with investigating the cause. WHY do you say yes? Is it because you feel like you have no choice? Are you haunted by guilt after saying no? Is it because you don’t wanna be rude? Or don’t wanna come off as lazy? Are you worried about regret? Or are you a person who is easily overcome, a pushover?
NO is a tool for change
Consent is one of the most pressing issues of our time, and I guess everyone can use an extra lesson in how to give, withold and identify it. Not sure if you and I share the same opinion, but Sarah and I do. We just can’t get our head around the fact of how many people’s lives could be described as vicious circles. Three months have passed and two great friends of mine already had me on speeddial, both of them balancing on a personal breaking point. Why? Because they said ‘yes’ way too many times.
Sharpen your tongue
“How did the act of uttering one little word become more difficult than all the stuff we wind up doing because we couldn’t, wouldn’t, or felt we shouldn’t .. Just politely decline?” Saying no is about setting and protecting all kinds of boundaries. And when I say ‘all kinds’ it means it could be about your enery, your family, your priorities or your role as a parent. Each and everyone of us has been tricked by feelings of guilt and obligation in their lives, pushing us into saying yes. But saying ‘yes’ could also be aligned with your ego or character. “I am competitive, I don’t like to admit defeat and sometimes saying no can feel like a loss. And most of the time I even take pride in being the kind of girl you can rely on to get shit done.”, Sarah admits. Recognizable?
Re-envision what it means to give ‘NO’ as an answer
And after that .. Go out there and say it so that other people have to re-think what is means to take ‘NO’ for an aswer. It works both ways, right? If you’re used to ‘yes’ as an answer it programms you in a certain way. The risk, you’ll feel like some sort of outcast when saying no.
No IS an acceptable answer
A very powerful one too. Pattern breaking if you’d ask me. So .. If you don’t have a direct answer to: “What are the most important things in your life?”, than WORK on the answer. Because in that way you will be able to bridge that powerful divide between the pull of wanting to say ‘no’ and the pressure of feeling like you have to say ‘yes’.
Bron: F**ck No! – Sarah Knight