06 jul In a relationship with freedom,

When I talk about my relationshipstatus, I just have to admit that I don’t have the standard answers. I guess I’m in a relationship with freedom for a couple of years now. Which seems to be extraordinary, but in reality .. I’m not the only one. Some people find it weird that I’m still single and I guess that has everything to do with the fact that the amount of people who are in a relationship, who are married or have kids is just simply bigger. It’s just more common, more mainstream. Known to us all, obvious. The usual.

Give yourself permission to be single

“But what if you give yourself permission to be single, by yourself, able to focus on your career, your friends, and your peace of mind?”, Jay Shetty wrote. It’s basically what I always told myself. I wanted to focus on my career, my friends and family. Later, during my sabbaticals, peace of mind became a priority. Jay explains that our language has wisely sensed two sides of man’s being alone .. It has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone and it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone. Over the years I choose ‘solitude’. And that’s exactly what Jay Shetty did too, when he choose to spend his life in an Ashram.

An experiment of self-control and discipline

“If I had been dating or in a committed relationship for those three years instead of being alone, in solitude, I wouldn’t be where I am today, with understanding of my strengths and who I am”. Jay tried the experiment of self-control and discipline. His words gave me flashbacks towards my sabbaticals. Although a sabbatical isn’t entirely comparable with living in an Ashram, but then again .. In a way it was. I consciously choose for periods of solitude, me-time and celibacy. And, according to Jay, celibacy is a powerful way to work with your own energy.   

The right use of energy

I can honestly say that those periods of solitude strengthened my intuition and my understanding of what consent truly meant. Just for the record, consent occurs when one person voluntarily agrees to the proposal of desires or another. There were days that I choose to be by myself, alone, in solitude without socializing. I became aware of my anxiety, my criticizing habit and my ego. I took time to think about how to build a life based on purpose and meaning and I tried to live as sober as I could. To indulge in lust just wasn’t an option.

My alone feels good

It seems that so much in life is absorbed in navigating romantic connections. And basically it’s all we ever see. We all receive the message that life is meaningless without sharing or being with the right person. But who’s the right person if you don’t even know yourself? I became aware of the fact that it takes strength to not just settle. There’s nothing wrong with a society that offers models of what a fulfilling life might look like. It’s just all about reflection.

How can you recognize who you are and what truly makes YOU happy, when you’re chasing the distorted reflection of society’s dream?

Inspiration: Jay Shetty – Think like a monk