09 mrt Be the NO you want to hear in the world
I guess it’s time for all of us to start dipping our toes in the ocean of NO, just to discover how thoroughly refreshing it is .. Living your life in the way that works best for you. The world needs it, you need it, your collegues need it, your manager does, your wife or partner. Everyone. Why? Because Sarah Knight says so. Based on her years of professional experience as a giver of no fucks, she tells her readers this: “I backed away from tasks, commitments, and interactions that I once thought were obligatory and that turned out to have been optional all along.”
What others might think,
Are you letting what YOU think people think dictate your actions? Well, newsflash .. Most people do not care nearly as much about how you live your life as you think they do. When you say NO, do you feel guilty? Well, this is precisely one of the mental shackles from which ‘Fuck NO!’ attempts to free you.
Is guilt haunting you?
If so, the key is to investigate WHY you’re feeling guilty before you allow that guilt to drive you toward saying yes when you want to say no. Guilt is the most powerful and most shitty motivator for doing things we can’t, shouldn’t or don’t want to. Confront yourself:
1. Is your guilt warranted? Are you actually doing something objectively wrong? If the answer is no, let it go!
2. Is it purely self-imposed? .. Most of the time it is and it’s kind of funny because nobody actually said anything, but you just feel guilty anyway. It’s all in your head folks!
3. Or is it outside pressure? Other people are getting all up in your shit? Well, then Sarah has the following advice: “Engage with them. ASK them why are they so intent on you saying yes to something they know you can’t, shouldn’t or want to do?”
Lock the gates,
When saying yes because you don’t really know what you want, feel obligated, guilty or don’t wanna miss out on things, the risk is: “You’ll wind up saying yes, rather than take five goddamn minutes to think about it. No .. You just simply unlock the gates and wave everybody right on through”, Sarah preaches.
Separate whether you are ACTUALLY obligated or if you’re just FEELING obligated
Yes, those are two different things. Try to figure out the consequenses of saying no. The real consequenses, ok? Because if you don’t know the consequences of saying no, how much of your impulse to say yes is rooted in logic and reality, and how much resides only in your irrational imagination? It’s up to you to weigh the pros and cons. Then, take a calculated risk. If saying yess will enable a reward greater than your sacrifice would cost, that’s awesome. But reality, unfortunately, proves otherwise.
Setting your boundaries,
We’re talking about a simple process of deciding and then doing. Deciding what’s worth your time, energy and money. Or just simply give it a fucking try and learn from it. “Do you assume you have to do everything your boss asks you to do under penalty of firing, even though you’ve never actually tried saying no to them and seeing what happens?”
Well, like I said: BE the NO you want to hear in the world
Bron: F**k No! – Sarah Knight